Relationship Counselling
Relationships are a central part of our lives and reflect a fundamental human need to be recognised, accepted and loved.
The way that we relate to others is originally learnt in childhood and we will typically carry these behaviours forward into adulthood. Sometimes these early patterns are unhelpful, even destructive, particularly where abuse or trauma has occurred and we can find ourselves repeatedly playing out unsuccessful relationships in both our home life and at work. Relationship counselling can helpfully identify where this is happening and encourage better ways of maintaining existing relationships and building new ones.
Where the relationship involves deep intimacy, such as in a marriage, civil partnership, or co-habitation etc., then couples counselling may be appropriate.
The most common sources of relationship difficulties are probably:
- issues to do with personal identity, self-esteem and self confidence;
- difficulties in dealing with conflict;
- poor communication skills.
A realistic sense of who we are is an important ingredient in any successful and healthy relationship. When missing, it can lead to loss of identity in one or more of the parties, inequality, dependency and abuse. Where we hold our-selves in low esteem, we probably find it difficult to assert ourselves appropriately. We might either keep giving way and going along with the wishes of others, or we may over compensate by becoming overly assertive and domineering. From either position we rarely reach truly satisfying outcomes.
Conflict is unavoidable in any meaningful relationships and when left unresolved, can create unbearable levels of tension that might then find release through various destructive outlets:
- excessive use of alcohol, drugs, food, work, etc.; self-harm;
- ongoing bickering and argument;
- angry and sometimes violent outbursts;
- passive aggressive behaviour and other expressions of resentment;
- ill health including anxiety and depression.
The most constructive way of resolving conflict is through negotiation and effective communication, remembering that the majority of communication is non-verbal.
Relationship counselling can help lay the foundation for more successful relationships by helping you to:
- identify habitual patterns of behaviour that get in the way of good relationships;
- understand how these have developed and how they might be changed;
- recognise where issues of personal identity, self-esteem and self-confidence are hindering healthy relationships;
- learn new ways of becoming more assertive that feel both authentic and sustainable;
- understand how you currently deal with conflict in relationships;
- embark on a process of positive personal development in a safe and supportive environment.